L O V E
by Ayushi95
Summary: Oneshot about how Cosima feels from the time she found out about Delphine being her monitor till the time when she tells Delphine that she's sick


**Do Not Own Orphan Black and its characters. **

**Hope you enjoy :)**

LOVE. A term used in the language English to depict so many kinds of love. A complicated feeling sorted into four letter E.

A feeling that is so difficult to express in the right way; a feeling when shared with someone, feels like home; a feeling that can make and break lives, you.

It can be expressed through words, writing or something as simple as touch. Holding that someone's hand when they need it or abstractly by giving a push to that person when they need it, to get past a situation, to help them.

The basic feeling of being loved by someone is so soft and comforting that it makes you an addict to it. You need it, you crave for it all the time; even when it's gone. That person feels like a drug to you. You just need more and more of that person, you feel like you can't live without that person.

It was the same for her. She never realised when Delphine came into her life and settled down so deep into her soul that being without Delphine felt like she's living without her soul.

It latched itself onto her heart. Gave it a soft comforting pillow to rest on, but when the betrayal came; it gripped her heart so hard she found it difficult to breathe. She needed Delphine to be clean; she needed the last few hours to not have happened. She wished she never found out about Delphine being her monitor. She wished for that soft comforting pillow again.

* * *

She coughed and took support of the pole, she felt weak. For a second she wished if Delphine would be standing by her side and supporting her. She closes her eyes and scolds herself for wanting the French girl again before pulling her hand away from her mouth.

_Blood. _She had coughed blood and she didn't know how to react to it. What was it? Was she sick? Was it some normal illness? Or something a lot more severe than some normal illness or a throat infection? But she didn't know what to expect. She was a clone after all. There could be a thousand possibilities.

So she quickly completes the unexpected meeting with Dr. Aldous Leekie and rushes to Felix's loft. She needed sometime away from her home. Away from the scent which the French girl left behind at her place and all the memories of the hours spent on the couch and their bed either cuddling or loving. She needed time, wanted to go away and forget about it all. But could she really leave it all behind like that?

* * *

She ran into the bathroom as a coughing fit rocked her body. She could taste her blood even before she reached the sink and spat everything out. She coughed more until she heard the knock on the door and heard Felix call out Delphine's name. Her heart ached when she heard Delphine's soft voice calling out her name. Her mind rushed back to the memories when Delphine softly whispered her name into her ear, the husky breath that left her lips while calling out her name, she could feel it all like Delphine was standing right in front of her and whispering her name in her ear.

She closed her eyes and readied herself to see the girl again. A part of her wanted to run to her and tell her about her sickness but she didn't let it overpower her. After a few seconds she left the bathroom and saw her.

Her heart paused just the way it did every time but this time she hated it. She hated the power that the French girl had on her. Even after all the hurt and anger, the girl still had enough power to seep through her and rest in that place again. She felt weak, physically and mentally. Looking at Delphine again she didn't know if she still had enough energy in herself to keep holding her anger towards her.

She could feel that tight grip loosening already when she almost heard from Delphine that she loves her. The look in Delphine's eyes told her that she is genuinely sorry and doesn't want to hurt her. But still a part of her was being defensive, only trying to save herself even though she knew that Delphine would win her heart all over again.

And so she decided to let her in, to let her help her. She was tired of fighting and yelling, she didn't know what kind of sickness she had but she wasn't ready to be away from Delphine anymore. She was scared that if she yelled or fought again, she will start coughing and Delphine would see just how sick and weak she is.

"Can I?" She looks up at the girl as she asks if she can use her laptop. She wondered how this girl could have such kind of an effect on her. How could she take away all her anger and pain?

She nods and lets her use her laptop, lets her help her and her sisters. A familiar yet unfamiliar kind of an adrenaline rushed through her body as she started working with Delphine, solving the mystery of cloning step by step.

"324B21" she repeated what Delphine said. She had never been called like that before. She knew she was a clone, an experiment. But before this moment she never felt like a mere experiment, like a lab rat in a huge world of conspiracy and secrets. She nods like everything's okay but it isn't. She hated being called that.

Step by step as they crossed each level and started solving more and more about the cloning, understanding the whole stage that was set up for them to play in. She had worked with so many people before. Scott, her professors, other students from different countries, research, but the kind of energy she felt while working with Delphine, was just different. She not only enjoyed the work and the company but she felt a lot more than that. She fell even more in love with the girl who shared her passion for biology with her. Who understood that being a biology student doesn't mean that she's just another nerd.

She yelped in excitement as the stages they crossed gave her more and more information.

* * *

After the last call with Sarah and sitting back on the couch, she looked at Delphine. The way the French girl looked at her made her want to breakdown; to let all her walls fall down and let the girl in and she did just that. She let it out, "I'm sick Delphine." She said it and felt a kind of calmness she hadn't felt before as Delphine pulled her into a warm embrace and didn't let her go, let her stay for how long she wanted to. And soon she broke down completely as she let her tears flow free and sobbed into Delphine's shoulder.

She was thankful that Delphine came to Felix's place after her and didn't let her go so easily.

Delphine looked down at her and smiled gently; she felt so good to have received another chance and was determined on not wasting it again. She noticed Cosima was slowly drifting off into sleep and they moved onto the bed.

She held Delphine's top into a fist and nuzzled into her neck as she felt Delphine hold her close too. The comforting soft circles being rubbed on her back by Delphine soothed her, calmed her further. She didn't want to fall asleep, she wanted to spend the night with Delphine, looking at her and loving her.

Their eyes locked onto each other and as if both could read the other one's mind, they leaned into a kiss gently capturing each other's kiss in a soft but passionate kiss.

Nothing mattered later on as their bodies embraced the other one's; skin touched the skin and pure pleasure of having the other one in their arms was felt. The soft pillow rested beneath their hearts again and help it beat again.

**Thanks for reading :)**


End file.
